I'm Back! (and it's 2017!)

Reading my old post made me realise how childish I was. My last post was me whining about a dude that I now no longer talk to. 

I remember writing that post as a coping mechanism. I remember distinctly of how I was bullied and how there was no one there I could count on. Even my friends were on the edge of helping me. I seriously wanted to end everything. It was such a low point of my life and all I wanted is to be cool (and dramatic). 

I can still recall the memory of walking down the stairs and the people calling me names as if I didn't know anything. It sucked.. what sucks more is that I can still remember it so clearly and it still feels so real. (Yes, I know, I need treatment) 

I wasted 8 months of 2014 starving myself, telling myself I'm not hungry and giving myself excuses for not eating. Skipping lunch whenever I could and eventually hiding from my friends. Then I dated the guy I was whining about and it was better. But really, I was just using him. 

I wanted to feel loved and feel like I matter; that I wasn't just what they called me. We dated for 6 months, I guess I was happy, but I was still starving myself. The more I was loved, the more I felt I didn't deserve it. I thought if I was thinner, he would love me more, he would pay more attention to me. (even his mom noticed that I lost weight). 

What started out as a cry for help became a serious relationship. We dated for 6 months, until my dad found out (classic Romeo n Juliet, except no one died). I mean, I totally get it now, I was only 14, NO NEED FOR A RELATIONSHIP. But I ended up hurting him, he truly cared for me, I know that now.

Anyway.... I moved on.. so did he. 

The next 2 years, I focused on my studies and it was great! I stopped hiding from my friends and I started to be accountable with people from my own class. I got into top 30s of my form (it was a pretty big deal for me xD)

I had a great sophomore year. I was so involved in school activities. It was really fun too. I had a crush on the same guy for that whole year and I got to dance with him at the ball! Just looking back, it was the highlight of my year (except for placing in the top 20s, of course). It was the year all my "High School Musical Dreams" came true. To be honest, I wish I could go back to my sophomore year and do it all again. I also had a really awesome Sweet Sixteen. 

This year, I was elected to be a part of the Student Union. I've always known that it was going to happen one way or another, considering how nosy I am at school. My grades are still up and I'm really happy about it because college apps soon!!! 

I'm also dating a guy who's super awesome.. 

Long Hurtful Month~

Hey Bloggers..

This month, not a good month. Ever since February 15th.. It was hard for me to think straight, do my work and not cry. Life is hard, I know.

I've been feeling so insecure lately. Mostly because of being abandoned by the ones you care most. Probably to him, he didn't exactly abandon me. But it sure felt like it. I've been trying to let go and just try to be happy n focus on the little things. It's hard though. Especially since I'm reminded by the sad truth daily.

I mastered fake smiling. I pretend that everything is alright and the world is just right when in reality,
I'm hurting. I try to not cry, not to show how I really feel coz I don't want people to think I'm just another selfish bitch who wants everything to go her way.

I just want someone to be there for me. I wanna talk to that person but I never had the guts to. It came up a couple of times but still, nothing is solved.

I can't exactly say that the cause is my classmate. She's a really nice, likeable person. I can't blame her for that. Should I just blame myself? Am I just overreacting?

I don't want to be hurt again. It's too much. But I don't want to ruin the friendship. It's too precious and dear to me to let go.

Sometimes I feel stupid for dying over a guy I'm not even head-over-heels for..

I may not be the most likeable person, I get it. That's basically why I need him, as my friend, to be there for me. I can't always count on crying or cutting. I'm tired of saying "I'm okay". I'm not!

I need a hero. For real.

Messed Up

Hey Readers :)

As I promised, I'd update soon after the last post and I did! I'm pretty messed up right now. My head, going all around. I don't know what to do. I wanna talk to someone but somehow I'm pushing everyone away.

My head is blank. I kinda need a hero. Someone to help me fix everything. I don't even know my problem really. I feel like I'm mad at a person and I'm guessing that's it's myself. For whatever reason, I'm no longer listening to anyone's advice, I'm turning kindness into sarcasms.

Heroes please come to me..

I'm not feeling down or anything but I just feel like crying all the time.. :( it's so confusing.

Someone help me. Please..

An Update.. FINALLY!

Hey readers..

I can't believe the last time I posted was July last year.. Crazy. What have I been doing?! Apparently, even I can't answer. Things happen so fast.. All I know is that F.2 is so much better than F.1. Last year, I had so many things to figure out. I was so naive.

So, 2014.. The 1st month is over and off we are with February..  I actually love 2014. Even by the end of 2013, I was really happy with everything. I moved on over people, I fixed old friendships and I'm no longer walking like I'm drunk in life. It's really amazing.

There's really not much to write since even I don't really know what I should write. I've been keeping a diary lately. More of a journal though.. My friend told me to publish it. That idea, is crazy but then again, I don't have to read it coz clearly I know what happened. I'm really considering that idea. I don't want people reading every single thing though. That's like giving everything to the world. Not gonna happen xD

I've been watching "Awkward", a TV show on MTV. It's awesome. The main character, Jenna, writes on her blog regularly.. Probably what I should do in a sense of "publishing my journal/diary". It doesn't cost a penny but my journal have like silly signs and stupid drawings. I can't exactly show it here.

Anyway, enough on the whole publishing thing.. I've been doing pretty fine lately.. It's quite a surprise. No girl-drama lately. Even if there was drama, I don't care. I feel like I'm finally growing up. No more chains holding me back because they're all forgotten.

My life is so much better. It's now a new story. Really cool. I ended a chapter and now moving into a new one. This is new to me. I used to hold on to things. I was too clingy I can say. I find that stupid. Well I was stupid so. I hated the player not the game. Shouldn't have done that.

I am new and "improved" but there are things that stay the same.. My fickleness. I can't seem to change that about me. I still can't make a decision sometimes. Well I'm getting better since the consequences aren't like it was a year ago.

I never expected myself to be like this. I thought I'd never change. But when you just follow the waves of the ocean, you can get anywhere without even knowing.

For now, I have nothing else to write. Maybe I'll try and keep my blog like my journal. "Publish" my story. Someone actually read my journal and actually tore an entry. Honestly, for anyone who read my journal would know that it's messy but hilarious. The old Kardia would freak out over that.. I did but I no longer care.

That's it I guess. I'll post something soon.

End of School & Summer

Hello again xD!

This is one of the few times I post twice in a day.. I wanna make up all the posts I was supposed to post and so I might post more often than before.. School ended! Yay!! I've mentioned this school year as awesome and interesting well coz it was!

I'm so glad yet so sad that the year ended.. I loved it but I love summer too! I'm so gonna miss my friends from all over the school n not from my class well, maybe just my best friend from my class but not others.. (sorry just being honest). But on the bright side, I can finally relax!!

Summer's so hot here in HK and pretty boring too since there's not much to do that's why I'm going to TAIWAN!!! I'm so excited!! I've never been there before and I'm looking forward to the awesomeness of Taiwan!

Besides Taiwan, I need to work on the Solar Flares Studio stuffs too.. Remember to stay tuned with us and check our videos out as it'll be awesome!! Please help me choose some songs for the covers coz I have no idea which songs to cover.. I'm usually good at this but I have nothing in my head. No songs at all!

Anyway, check out the last post I posted and stay tuned with us! Like, Follow or Subscribe to our accounts!

Love,
Me!! (Kardia Yip)

Solar Flares Studio!!!

Hey Bloggers!!!

From the title of this post, you guys might be like "what da heck is Solar Flares Studio? Why is she posting this?" Well, here's the reason why.. I'm kinda working in this studio and just promoting basically but please read on!

Anyway, Solar Flares Studio isn't some immature joke teenagers made (though the team is just a bunch of teenagers). The people in the studio are down-to-earth and they have real passion in film making. The films they make aren't 'pro' or anything yet since we're new at this.

We've filmed 2 videos so far and they'll definitely give you a smile coz it's pretty damned hilarious. The links for the videos are down bellow and please check it out! I'm not in any of those videos coz my job is mostly on music covers. So yes, I'll be doing music covers..

You guys can find Solar Flares Studio on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube or their website (links are down below). Please do me a favor and like, follow and subscribe to our accounts it'll mean so much to us!

Though there are only 2 videos so far but there'll be an 007 series, a musical/song cover series! Stay tuned with us to watch them. I promise it'll be awesome!

That's it for now.. I might post something later today for more on my story..

LINKS :
Website http://solarflaresstudio.wix.com/page
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/SolarFlaresStudio
Twitter https://twitter.com/SflaresS
YouTube http://www.youtube.com/user/SolarFlaresStudioHK

The 2 Videos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWXLbkGMuBY (13 Fighting Styles)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RuxyY1fYoc (The Lemon Tea Party)