I remember writing that post as a coping mechanism. I remember distinctly of how I was bullied and how there was no one there I could count on. Even my friends were on the edge of helping me. I seriously wanted to end everything. It was such a low point of my life and all I wanted is to be cool (and dramatic).
I can still recall the memory of walking down the stairs and the people calling me names as if I didn't know anything. It sucked.. what sucks more is that I can still remember it so clearly and it still feels so real. (Yes, I know, I need treatment)
I wasted 8 months of 2014 starving myself, telling myself I'm not hungry and giving myself excuses for not eating. Skipping lunch whenever I could and eventually hiding from my friends. Then I dated the guy I was whining about and it was better. But really, I was just using him.
I wanted to feel loved and feel like I matter; that I wasn't just what they called me. We dated for 6 months, I guess I was happy, but I was still starving myself. The more I was loved, the more I felt I didn't deserve it. I thought if I was thinner, he would love me more, he would pay more attention to me. (even his mom noticed that I lost weight).
What started out as a cry for help became a serious relationship. We dated for 6 months, until my dad found out (classic Romeo n Juliet, except no one died). I mean, I totally get it now, I was only 14, NO NEED FOR A RELATIONSHIP. But I ended up hurting him, he truly cared for me, I know that now.
Anyway.... I moved on.. so did he.
The next 2 years, I focused on my studies and it was great! I stopped hiding from my friends and I started to be accountable with people from my own class. I got into top 30s of my form (it was a pretty big deal for me xD)
I had a great sophomore year. I was so involved in school activities. It was really fun too. I had a crush on the same guy for that whole year and I got to dance with him at the ball! Just looking back, it was the highlight of my year (except for placing in the top 20s, of course). It was the year all my "High School Musical Dreams" came true. To be honest, I wish I could go back to my sophomore year and do it all again. I also had a really awesome Sweet Sixteen.
This year, I was elected to be a part of the Student Union. I've always known that it was going to happen one way or another, considering how nosy I am at school. My grades are still up and I'm really happy about it because college apps soon!!!
I'm also dating a guy who's super awesome..
